Journeying to Intimacy
Back in 2010 my husband and I went through a journey that ended up in us leaving the corporate church – not our faith, just the Sunday morning building. It’s a long story, but one of the deciding factors for me was my inability to see and know God through all the “to-do’s”. My relationship with God was built on performance and religion, not relationship. My type-A personality makes it hard for me to build relationships without a checklist of some kind, and sermons often include checklists – all good stuff – but I had to figure out a different way for me to connect to God. It’s easy to teach about 10 steps to a better relationship, or 3 ways to pray better, and sometimes that can really help, but for me, the lists just get in the way. When you take away the lists, however, it’s hard for me to know where to turn next.
One of my key realizations was that my whole life has been built on trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, following their checklists, and being afraid that the “real me” somehow just isn’t good enough. I know I’m not alone in this – not by a long shot. Learning to open myself up to intimacy and vulnerability is terrifying, but it’s a journey I’m committed to. I’ve come a long way, but I have a LONG way to go! 🙂
This week two things happened that are actually helping me in this. The first is I stumbled (again) across an interesting article I read a few months back called “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This“. Now, I know that sounds just like a checklist, but it’s not. It’s a list of 36 questions that are put together in 3 sets to lead you to being more and more vulnerable with someone. My husband and I have started using the app and working through anywhere between 1-5 questions at the end of each day. It’s been fantastic. The questions aren’t hard, but they do make you think, and they start some very interesting conversations. We’ve both been going through some stressful times with our jobs, and we’ve been finding that we just don’t have the creative energy to start a meaningful conversation, so this has been great. We’re having a lot of fun with it, and learning more cool stuff about each other – pretty good, considering we’ve been married for almost 24 years!
The second thing is I’ve picked up Don Miller’s book “Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy“. I’m really enjoying it, and can so feel the pain and joy of his journey. I’ll be honest, parts of it terrify me, but until I am willing to really open my heart my relationships will be superficial at best, and fake at worst.
I’ve not conquered this challenge yet – probably won’t ever have it mastered – but I’m starting to enjoy the journey, and I get braver and braver. Can’t wait to see where this takes me…
|Be A Star!
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