Permission to Rest, It’s OK
I’ve spent the last year striving. Working hard. Pushing myself. Achieving goals. Moving forward.
Today, I’m learning to choose rest.
The alarm conspiracy continues, but is starting to solve itself. During a quiet, restful long weekend to celebrate Easter, I played with my alarms and I’m almost where I need to be. Sunday night I went to bed on time, set my alarms – delighted to see that my bluetooth sleepphones connected without an issue – and fell asleep quickly. My first alarm went off as planned. My second alarm also went off as planned but instead of just playing the designated track it also had a beeping alarm that went off simultaneously. Not sure why. My third alarm, which should have been a cuckoo sound going off at 4:20 am was that same beeping sound from alarm 2, and it was 5 minutes early. I double checked the times on my alarm app, and the correct time was set. I think after the extreme effort of getting something to work I now have phantom alarms on my phone…
Last night I tried again, but the bluetooth wouldn’t connect. Honestly.
The interesting thing was I discovered once I woke up that my walking partner was taking Monday and Tuesday off in order to heal some stubborn and painful blisters on her feet. This left me with the dilemma, do I walk or not? My goal is a 15 minute walk every day without fail. The 13 days straight of 5k has simply been an extra gift. I gave myself permission to continue to rest and not walk the 5k . Instead, I decided I would walk my normal 15 minute walk at lunch time.
I went to my office and began my day. I worked with focus and concentration right through until 11:00 and broke for lunch. I was feeling tired and cold, and the weather was rather awful (-2, damp, windy, and snowing) and I just could not muster the conviction to go outside and walk. I skipped it. I’ve now broken the perfect chain of daily walks, but I will pick it up again tomorrow when my walking buddy and I begin again, and I’m OK with that. I did not beat myself up, call myself unkind names. I just accepted that, and moved on.
Interestingly enough, after lunch I worked again for another hour, and had my daily 30 minute nap. When I got up again I thought, “I’ve really got to get back to work” but just felt I needed some quiet time to myself. Over the weekend I’d settled into a lovely rested state, and I craved more of that. At first I felt guilty, but then I then calculated that I’d already done 7.5 hours of good, productive work, and that was good for the day’s efforts. It was ok to pull back and spend time on myself. I’d also cleaned the kitchen and done a week’s worth of laundry. I wasn’t exactly slacking.
Choosing to Rest
It occured to me how hard it is to just pull back. I purposely rested over the weekend, did some great reading – both for fun and for work – hung out with my family, watched some TV, took naps, did some walking, etc., and realized how much I enjoyed that.
So yesterday, at about 2:30 I snuggled into my sofa with large cup of tea, my fuzzy blanket, and a funny book (Drop Dead Healthy: One Man’s Humble Quest for Bodily Perfection*) and read and giggled my way through the next 2 hours. It was so refreshing!
My son got home from work around 4:30 and I had no idea how much time had passed. I then had a great visit with him – more giggles – my daughter joined in, and the “work day” wrapped itself up with a sense of peace, accomplishment and goodwill.
I followed that with a lovely evening wth my best beloved watching the special features from the movie “Interstellar*” – truly fascinating and somewhat mind-blowing – and found myself dozing off towards the end.
I headed to bed, choosing to not get frustrated about my alarm and fell asleep quickly.
Which prompts the question, why do I struggle so hard to rest? Why is rest such an issue for me? Why do I feel like I need to put in a 10-12 hour day? I think better when I’m rested. I work better when I’m rested. I’m more creative when I’m rested.
Hard productive work is important. It’s good for me. But the balance of rest and kind thinking toward myself is also important.
I might be getting the hang of this…
|Be A Star!
Post your comments below and join in the conversation (or get it started!) and then share this post with your friends using the different share buttons on the blog.
I'd sure appreciate it! Thanks!
to find out!