In His Steps

Tom and I are continuing our journey in learning to “Live Free”.  It’s been challenging, scary, tearful, and exhausting, but we’ve also seen where it’s going to bring freedom and truth to our faith.

I remember when I first started homeschooling, I wondered if I was “qualified” enough to do it. I had partial teacher training (I quit as soon as I realized someone was going to die in that grade one classroom with 47 children…) but I was assured that if I could teach my kids to walk and talk, I could teach them to read and write.

Later, I got all the questions about “socialization”, and after researching I discovered that kids who are well-socialized within their families are better socialized than kids who are socialized in a classroom of 30 unsocialized kids with one poor teacher trying to train them all how to behave and interact, all by herself/himself.

Next, I let go of formalized curriculum, and let the kids have free reign to pursue their passions. Through that my kids have taught themselves reading, writing and math, with very little interference from their mother, and they are both in the process of setting up their first business.

My Christian walk seems to be taking a similar path.

Through reading the book “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore“  Tom and I, after much prayer, and careful thought, are stepping back from organized church, to pursue God’s heart on our own for a while.  The first reaction was, “But how will you stay ‘true’? How will you keep from backsliding?”  The truth is, our hearts are desperate for a deeper experience of Jesus.  I believe HE is big enough and true enough and faithful enough to keep us straight.

Then came the question of fellowship.  The truth is my best fellowship moments happen outside of church.  I’m usually too busy at the actual church to fellowship with people – or they are too busy to fellowship with me.  Just because I’m not attending service doesn’t mean I can’t have coffee.

Thirdly is the question of growth – can I do that on my own?  Yes.  Between God and my friends, I can walk forward in confidence.  On my weekend away with Tom we were walking along a hiking path by a waterfall.  It was a little treacherous and slippery, but I found that if I placed my feet directly in Tom’s footprints, I was OK.  God showed me then that this is how He wants me to walk with Him.  Just look for His leading, and walk that path behind Him, knowing He has prepared the way.   Instead of having everything filtered through experts, I’m going to listen to God myself, seek His heart, and place my feet directly in his footprints.  Not having so much church “activity” also means I’m free to pursue people who can help me move forward where I am, and whom I can help where they are, instead of being on the pastor’s schedule for what he’s being led to teach the whole church, which, lately, is not where I am in my own walk.

This weekend I led worship for the last time in what might be a very long time.  I was so blessed by God through it that I was in tears afterwards.  Deep, deep reassurance that He was delighted in my choice, and anxious to take me further.  It will be hard to let go – I have a great church – but the call to freedom is so loud in my ears that I am having trouble hearing anything else.

Darlene

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