Overwhelm

I am overwhelmed.

In fact, I am easily overwhelmed.

I look like I probably have stuff together on the outside, but on the inside, I’m often panicking.

This morning was such a morning.

I’m overwhelmed by. . .

• mice that are overtaking my kitchen, apparently using rat poison as a nutritional supplement and rat traps as an obstacle course to improve their strength and agility.  They will not go away.
• a bathroom renovation that refuses to be done.  Even simple, straightforward tasks in there somehow turn into major problems – seals break, things won’t fit in spite of being measured, tiles move, stuff breaks.  I believe it’s demon possessed.
• a house that’s falling apart around my ears – so much to be done, and nothing like the necessary finances to get it done properly, and limited skills and knowledge to do it ourselves – meaning it falls apart even more, requiring even more money to fix.
• homeschooling kids in high school, and coming to the realization that they are only under my specific influence for just a little longer – have I done enough?
• the “slump” after my marathon – what now?  What’s next? Should I do more?

This morning as I sat to do my quiet time, I rushed through all the questions, not wanting to really deal with what was on the page, afraid I would lose that apparent self-control I had so nicely put in place.  I finished my daily “assignment” and then took a deep breath and cried.  I realized I don’t want to be superficial in my faith – breezing through to just check stuff off.  I felt stressed by the blog post I had prepared for this morning and had set up to automatically post.  I wasn’t sure it was what God wanted me to do.

I had two choices.  Keep rushing, or sit down and shut up, and rest for a while in God’s hands before the day began.

I chose the latter.

I came downstairs and prepared a second cup of tea.  While it was brewing I shut off the automatic posting of my blog for today so I could relax.  I brought my tea back upstairs to bed and sipped it quietly, just resting in the presence of God.

He didn’t give me any huge revelations.  He didn’t miraculously fix my house, chase away the mice (at least, I don’t think He did!), or promise me perfect children.  He did fill me with peace.  He encouraged me to do a Vibrance/relaxation/prayer exercise for several minutes, just breathing Him in, and here I am.  Same story, different woman.  Not panicking, just resting quietly that He has it in control, and my only job is to listen to His gentle words, and do just what He asks me to.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28 (The Message)

Jesus, teach me those unforced rhythms of Grace.

Amen